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Saturday, March 1, 2014

Moving Day

It's moving day!

I have created a new blog and would love for you to follow me at my new home.

You can now find me blogging at:

Also, on Facebook at:

For the month of March I am reading a chapter a day of Proverbs on Facebook. Come join me at the link above.

Love, Hugs, and Blessings!

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

My Birthday Wish

This time of year always brings out questions of what do I want for my birthday?


What do I want for Christmas?

As I thought about the answers to these questions this year I was reminded of a post by Ann Voskamp and something she did on her birthday and a sweet OBS sister Shelly did on her birthday... Be The Gift. (Give It Forward Today)

With my Birthday three days away from Christmas the month of December has always been filled with much happiness and joy. This year is still filled with happiness but from a fresh and different perspective. With many life transistions of kids growing up and moving out, my husband losing his job, the deaths of friends and friends loved ones, overall health and life challenges I am choosing to do something different this year.

This year with these two days fast approaching  I would love to challenge you with my Birthday Wish ....

Be The Gift
(Give It Forward Today)

If you are in a store leave some change in the candy machine to put a smile on a child's face as they find it.

By a stranger's food in a restaurant, drive thru, coffee shop or convenience store.

Pay for someone's gas...

Take some flowers, card, fruit, candy and pass out in a parking lot at a shopping center, to a neighbor or someone in a nursing home or hospital.

Bake or buy some goodies for co-workers, family, friends or neighbors.

Offer to Be The Gift by mowing someone's lawn, driving them some where, going to the store for them.

Call, text, e-mail or message someone and let them know you are thinking about them.
Give water to garbage men when they come to pick up your trash or the mailman when they deliver your mail.

My Wish is that you will not only Be A Gift but that you will Be A Light for someone this week that needs a little Christmas cheer. That you will makes someone's day a little brighter by intentionally Being The Gift. (Give It Forward Today)

Will you join me?

Will you Be The Gift to someone?

I am choosing to Be The Gift this year and hope that God's light will shine through me.

I would love for you to share with me here on my blog or on my Facebook page how you were the Gift to someone. I will be sharing on my Facebook page each day and will share in my blog next Thursday. Come join me!

Thursday, November 14, 2013

A Place of Surrender

"All to Jesus I surrender
All to Him I freely give
I will ever love and trust Him
In His presence daily live
I surrender All."

I grew up going to church and knew right from wrong. I was baptized in Junior High and was part of the Youth Group and Youth Choir. I felt at home in church. I didn't want to leave everytime we went.

The biggest Christian influence in my life was my mom.

  When my mom died on July 4th, 1989 and flew home on the wings of Eagles to Heaven....

"but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."
Isaiah 40:31
(One of her favorite verses.)

I was lost ...I RAN...... Just like the Roadrunner... I RAN....

photo from amazon

but not to God .... I RAN from church.... I RAN from God.

After years and years of running from God and living life in the wrong ways. I found myself in bed due to health reasons AND I could no longer run from God and could no longer block out running from the Truth. He was chasing me all along but I kept running. Running from my past.... a past I had burried.

After many, many tearful phone calls with my brother.....

urging me to surrender everything to God. Telling me to reach out to God, and surrender, to the only person that could heal all my wounds and allow me to live a life free in God.

I started to surrender....I started crying out to God to forgive me, to help me and I started my journey of  Surrendering All to Him. I thought I had given everything to Him until a few years ago I read A Confident Heart and it opened up some old wounds that I had no clue were still burried. I understood at that point what my brother had been urging me to do. To ask God to reveal to me if there was anything I was still holding on to so that I could move past it and the bondage that I was in.... SURRENDER ALL.... the hurt, anger, unforgiveness, betrayal.... the list goes on and .....

I finally Surrendered ALL to God .....

.....and what a journey it has been! God is sooo good and the blessings that He gives me I feel so undeserving. Even as I struggle daily with the curve balls that the life throws my way I Surrender ALL and know God is working it all for His purpose.

This is my temporary home...

I Surrender ALL and look forward to that time in Heaven with my mom!

Thursday, October 31, 2013


This week in Chapter 4 and 5 of Renee Swope's book A Confident Heart, she talks about the pain of our past and moving past the shadow of our doubts.
When I was watching football this weekend I kept hearing the sports announcers talk about moving the ball forward and thought about these chapters.
Have you ever watched football?

In football the goal in each game is to advance the ball, to keep it #movingforward, to cross the goal line.

A touchdown!

From the kick off to the touchdown, moving the ball forward is what all players work towards. Players spend each day conditioning themselves physically and mentally for game day.  

What is their ultimate goal?

To win games and the chance to play in the Championships at the college level or the Super Bowl at the professional level.

Whether we are fighting.....

past abuse/present abuse
work issues
friendship issues
divorce/marriage/children/empty nest

.....or just plain stuck.

It's time, as Mandisa's song says to "Press On"... "one foot in front of the other" #movingforward and not looking back.

It's time to give it ALL to God for Him to heal us and direct our steps. When we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Saviour we become New in Him.


 God doesn't want us to stay where we are...

as Renee Swope wrote on page 68..

 "Brokenhearted. Captive. Prisoner. Darkness.
These words described how I felt for so long. I had been brokenhearted. I had been held captive by fear. I had lived as a prisoner in the darkness of depression. These words were so personal  that I wondered if God had written them just for me."
"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and the release from darkness for the prisoners.
To proclaim the year of the Lord's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn." Isaiah 61:1-2

Just like in's time to start #movingforward towards that ultimate goal...HEAVEN...and the beautiful Kingdom that awaits us.

Just like football players practice and condition each day so they are prepared for whatever plays come their way... we too as Christians have to condition ourselves to be prepared for whatever life throws our way.


By #movingforward from our past and doubts. By reading the Bible, studying the Bible and having a personal intimate relationship with God each and every day. We have to let go of our past hurts our present doubts and anything holding us back from Him. It was and is so hard to do sometimes but the peace that comes from giving it to God is unbelievable.He will meet us right where we are we only need to reach out to Him.
It's time to keep #movingforward and drawing closer to God. Allowing Him to be the lamp unto our feet and the light unto our paths.
Jesus is calling, are you going to answer and obey Him by #movingforward?

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Perfect Love

I am reading Renee Swope's book A Confident Heart and in Chapter 2 she speaks about God's #perfectlove.
God's #perfectlove is all around us. It can be seen in the flowers, clouds, sunrises and sunsets.
Hearts are seen as symbols of love. We tell people we love them and write a little heart or even draw hearts on paper when we are thinking of someone.
A few years ago I was struggling with family, health and just feeling overwhelmed. When I closed my eyes plugged in some worship music and got lost in worshipping God. I had a glass in my hand, that I forgot I was holding, it broke and shattered on the floor. As I was picking up the pieces I found a piece of glass in the shape of a heart. Not a perfect shape but an imperfect shape. Here is that piece of glass.


That piece of imperfect heart shaped glass reminds me of God's love for me. We don't have to be perfect to experience His #perfectlove.


Through our doubts, insecurities, comparasions and fears one thing remains constant and that is the perfect love of God.
Renee Swope says on page 41 of her book, "Jesus knows your pain, fears, doubts and disappointments. He understands your dreams and desires. Although some of us feel uncomfortable that God knows so much about us, it is good to be known, to be listened to and not judged. Jesus is the only One who can meet our deepest needs to be accepted and delighted in simply because of who we are. We can offer nothing but our presence, and He will desire us just the same."

Everywhere I turn now I find hearts...(on the walls where a candle is burning, on our fence, on our fireplace, tissues and even in a can of vegetables) ..... as if God is leaving me little love letters reminding me of His #perfectlove, saying I LOVE YOU, LOVE GOD!!


Friday, August 30, 2013

Stick With It

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

It has been a long time since I sat down to write. I have started and stopped several times to do a reflection post on my journey back and this week in the Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies with Melissa Taylor our hash tag word is #StickWithIt. So I have decided to StickWithIt and will be posting my reflection post soon.

A few years ago my brother attended an event with his Pastor where Lysa TerKeurst was the keynote speaker. When he left that event he called me and told me about Lysa TerKeurst and read several pages of her book, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl, to me. I knew I needed the book when he read 80's music and skating. You see my grandparents owned and operated several roller skating rinks when I was growing up. I learned how to skate before I walked and started competing before I started Kindergarten.

At that point I was hooked and knew I needed to get the book, check out Proverbs 31 Ministries and learn about Lysa TerKeurst. I was home at the time and unable to leave because of many health issues including the chronic dizziness and ringing in my ears. When I came across Melissa Taylor's Online Bible Studies it was a blessing. Proverbs 31 Ministries has forever changed my life.

Fast forward three years..after many YestoGod moments and truly releasing everything to Him the good, the bad and the ugly I had the honor to meet Lysa TerKeurst at an event that God opened the door for me to attend. The same Lysa TerKeurst that my brother called and read me pages of her book. Since I chose to stickwithit God has continued to amaze me with the blessings He provides. My life is far from perfect...Since coming home from SheSpeaks a month ago my trust and faith in God has and is being put to a test. (More about that in a later post.) But through it all I am determined to StickWithIt.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

God know the plans we have to trust. We have to walk in faith. Just like when you board a train and it goes through a dark tunnel you don't jump off and run... you trust the conductor. When you are flying and you go through rough weather and turbulence you don't jump out of the plane... you trust the pilot. It is the same with God... all we have to do is have faith and trust Him. StickWithIt knowing that ultimately that battle has already been won.  

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 5:20
If I had not said YestoGod at that moment when my brother called me and continued to grow and push myself beyond my limits I would not have had the opportunity to meet Lysa TerKeurst this year at She Speaks. (I met many amazing women that have changed my life and will write about that in another post soon.)

I sent this picture to my brother on my way down the NINE floor elevator ride. (Yes, I said NINE floor elevator ride...OH MY!!)  Had it not been for my brother's obedience to God to reach out to me and plant a seed I would not be where I am today and I would not have had the honor to meet women that have changed my life. What is God asking you to be obedient about? Calling a friend, encouraging a stranger or giving of your time.

So today no matter your past and no matter what is going on God has a plan. I have seen His provision and know there is no other way I want to live than by trusting God. It may not be easy at times and it may get rougher but knowing that  He has gone before me and lights my path why would I ever want to walk any other way than the path He is leading me on!?! Don't give up my friends if you are struggling today. If you have a past that is haunting you or chains that are binding you reach for the One that can heal you inside and out. StickWithIt my friends when times are rough it is only for a season. Look for the blessings even when it is hard. Ask God to reveal himself to you and then look for Him.

If you are struggling and need prayer leave a comment below and allow me the honor of praying for you. If you have struggled and seen God provide share with me I would love to praise God with you.

Friday, March 22, 2013


A week ago a friend challenged me to get uncomfortable in my life and write a blog post about it. I explained that I only write when I feel led to do so. She encouraged me to write anyway. So I accepted the challenge and thought how hard can this be. Boy, I was not prepared for what would happen over the next week. 

When I started thinking about the word uncomfortable the following situations came to mind.
  • That feeling of eating too much at Thanksgiving and your pants are too tight.
  • Gaining too much weight and not being able to fit in your clothes.
  • This one is for us ladies: You are in a hurry to go to the beach/pool with the kids that you forget you haven't shaved your legs in a couple days and then you run into practically everyone you know. (Yes, I have done that.)
Then I thought about the word comfortable and the following situations came to mind.
  • When you are in a relationship and you stop wearing make-up 24 hours a day, let your hair down and are comfortable in the sweat pants instead of the jeans and heels.
  • You have no problem eating a good meal and enjoying dessert instead of having a salad and water all the time.
On Monday, I realized I had not done anything yet to get uncomfortable. I had been praying for God to make me uncomfortable but it wasn't time. I would pick up my pen to write but it just wasn't right.

Then I realized that I had spent the last few months becoming comfortable. God delivered me some big blessings last year through Doctors, family and stepping out in faith. I was able to start getting back on my feet again but I also became comfortable... too comfortable. I wasn't spending as much quality time with God as I used to.

So, I tried to think about what I could do to get uncomfortable. Not just a little uncomfortable but all around uncomfortable in my life. I just could not come up with anything. Then this past Sunday at church I ran into the son of my mother's best friend. I talked to him and his wife and gave them my number to pass along to his mom. I know you are asking how is that uncomfortable. My answer, the unknown... will she call? It has been over 23 years since I have seen or talked to her.

Next, I decided that I was going to take off these last 20 pounds and start exercising. Exercising...hmmm, that word and I don't get along. Yep, it is going to be uncomfortable. There, I thought I have found my uncomfortable. Wrong!!

These things were uncomfortable but it wasn't really uncomfortable.

I decided on Tuesday to reach out to a group of ladies in my Bible study group and offer them a challenge to get uncomfortable. To really be intentional about spending time in God's word each day. Not just a few minutes reading and then out the door. I mean really being intentional. We are intentional about eating, dressing and watching television for hours on end. Why not get intentional about spending time with God and really digging deep into His word. These ladies blessed my socks off with their responses.

Then, the really uncomfortable hit a few hours later on Tuesday night when we had no choice but to ask one of our children to leave home. One of the hardest things to do as a parent is to tell one of your children to leave your home. I leaned on God and good friends as we went through the last few days. It was the hardest thing to do. We as parents love our children and want the best for them but sometimes you have to draw a line of what is acceptable and what is not. We have to lean on God and trust that He knows what is best. In the good times and the bad times. Sometimes God has a plan and has to move pieces of the puzzle to make it all fit. 

So, I am back to the drawing board, a lot stronger and ready to get back on my journey that I started over a year ago. A journey to get back on my feet and allow God to take the wheel and lead me. I am ready for the Uncomfortable and  I am Ready To Fly.

Ready To Fly by FFH 

Thursday, January 3, 2013


As the New Year begins, instead of coming up with New Year's Resolutions...that I always break... I picked one word. A word that I will focus on all year.

The word is INTENTIONAL.

I started to write about this very word in the middle of July last year. I procrastinated, got busy and never finished it. At every turn no matter what I was doing the word INTENTIONAL kept popping up. So when a sweet lady in my Bible study group suggested picking a word for the New Year instead of a resolution I started trying to figure out my word. Then they shared a collage of "My One Words"  and INTENTIONAL was big and bold.

That was it! INTENTIONAL my word for the year. So I went and pulled my blog notebook out and found the post I was going to write.

Intentional... Have you ever thought about this word? Up until today I really had not.

Intentional means on purpose, deliberate. Hmmmm.... I am I?

What are some ways we are intentional in our lives?

We are intentional about putting food in our bodies to nourish or satisfy a craving.

We are intentional about taking a shower so that we are clean.

We are intentional about getting rest so we can focus and function.

We are intentional in the way we treat people.

We are intentional about going to school, studying or for some people skipping class. (Yes, I did that a few times.)

We are intentional about going to the Doctor if we don't feel well...well, some of us are.

Are we intentional about the time we spend with God? With our family? With our friends? Or has what I call "stuff" (cell phones, computers, T.V., over booked schedules and busyness) gotten in the way?

I know I need to become more intentional daily in God's word, my prayers and in my words and actions. How about you? Are you living intentionally or are you just living?

Friday, July 6, 2012

Fourth of July

This year the fourth was different for me. I did not dread the day or wish it would go away. I didn't worry about the "what ifs". This year marks 23 years since my mom died on July 4th...and it was the first fourth of July since her death that I really enjoyed myself and was relaxed.

I did look at the clock at 11:30am, 11:35am and every five minutes until noon. During that time a white butterfly flew past and then a beautiful orange and black butterfly landed on our citrus tree.

The girls asked me if I wanted to go and put flowers on the grave and I told them no. Since her death I have only visited the grave a few times and it brings back the memories of her funeral. I choose to remember all the good times each day and know she is in Heaven. I don't need to visit the grave to remember her or know she is in Heaven.

"but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."
Isaiah 40:31

I love you Mom and miss you so much!!

Just as with Jesus... I know that He has risen and is with me each day. I thank God that this year has been a year of letting go and letting God. 

This year for the fourth of July the girls and I blew up, (thanks to the air compressor), two pools for the backyard. We called our backyard the Collins Resort. We had a kiddie pool, for my granddaughter, an adult pool, a swing set with a slide and free access to bathrooms, free parking (for my granddaughters motorcycle and her princess car) food, drinks and AC.

We spent the day enjoying the sun and not having to worry about beach traffic.

In years past we have always watched the fireworks in Port Orange but this year we went to Ormond...the city where I grew up. We picked up my husband at work and arrived at the Casements early. We walked around and listened to the live band as my granddaughter danced around.

It has been many years since I was in Ormond for the fourth. It brought back alot of memories. Memories of parking at church with my parents and walking down to the library to watch the fireworks. My mom's expressions when the "weeping willow" type of firework would go off.  Years of traveling the Granada bridge on my way to high school or down the Granada approach to the beach. Driving past the Casements to try and beat traffic. All the memories of my childhood and teenage years rushed through my brain like ocean waves crashing on the beach.

I realized that I did not want to go to Ormond in the past to watch fireworks because I had never dealt with my past and emotions that I had kept burried. It was too painful but I am thankful that this year I have been given the grace and mercy of a loving God daily and learning to deal and move past those issues.

I did struggle with dizziness, nausea and the loud ringing in my ears. As the night went on it got a little bit harder to deal with as the music got louder, the crowd got bigger and the breeze stopped blowing. I was determined not to give up and when the fireworks started I closed my eyes and prayed for God to give me His strength to make it through and put all my trust in Him. He hasn't failed me and as always showed up right on time.

I sat and enjoyed the fireworks..... and even enjoyed it more.... watching my granddaughter lay in her mothers arms and look up at the sky and the beautiful colors. Watching my husband play around with the daughter that will be graduating in a few short months. Life is so precious!

Thank you God for always being there. Thank you for the continued grace and mercy you give me.  

Thursday, July 5, 2012

A Busy Month

June was a busy month. So busy in fact that I neglected my quiet time each morning. I did not neglect to pray through the day but neglected the sit still and be quiet part of my day.

Some of the things that kept me busy was my granddaughters second birthday. We went to the zoo and boy was it hot and humid but so much fun.

I was in bed with the flu for several days and I am still trying to fight it off.

Went to a golf clinic and learned how to use irons. Then my grandfather came to the course and helped me learn chip shots.

During the month I have written blogs but have not taken the time to type them and post them. I have neglected online studies and overall have just been tired from constantly being on the go and being sick. I have enjoyed being on the go and thank God daily for being able to go and do. I am relying on His strength to get me through each day and the wisdom to learn how to deal with the physical and emotional tiredness that comes with each outing. 

Friday, June 8, 2012

I'm Trading

"I'm trading my sorrows,
I'm trading my shame,
I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord
I'm trading my sickness,
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord
Yes Lord
Yes Lord
 Yes Yes Lord!"
by: Darrell Evans

As I walked out of my fourth Cardiologist appointment in a week I was emotional. My husband did not come back in the room with me to hear the results so as I repeated them to him on the way to the car I broke down and cried.

I wasn't crying because I received horrible news or that the sky was falling. I was crying because the tests were over and it was a big relief. I was crying and needed his support and help to understand some things that I was told. I was crying because I had become too silent in complaining when I didn't feel good. I was crying because there will be more tests in the near future.

I don't know about you but when a Doctor comes in to talk with me sometimes I hear what he is saying and understand but fear takes over and I mentally shut down. Then the bargaining starts...if I do this will it help, if I do that will it help?

Once we got home I needed to do something to release my emotions. My husband loves to play golf so I asked him if he wanted to go play. I knew he couldn't say no to me on that one....

We went and had lunch at the course and then shot some golf balls. I had some clubs that my grandmother had given me years ago so I broke them out. What a great way to release emotions on such a little object...a golf ball. It was fun and he made me laugh.

The next day I went back to the Dentist for some work. I reached out for prayer for both days and off to my appointment I went. I took my Kindle, phone and headphones with me.

When I got back to the room I was comfortable and relaxed. I put the headphones on and started listening to a book by Micca Campbell called and Untroubled Heart. (An excellent book!) She started working on my teeth and then a few minutes into my book for reasons I don't know... it stopped playing. I didn't want to stop the work in my mouth because the sooner she was done the sooner I could leave.

Have you ever tried to take headphones out of a Kindle and put them into an iPhone with out looking? Well I did and started playing my Chris Tomlin music only to hear her say I love his music. (Oops, the headphones did not go into the iPhone.) As I tried to fumble, again without looking, to put the headphones in she told me it was okay I could leave the music on.

The next thing that happened took me by surprise and I KNOW it was ALLLLLLL GOD!

She started singing the song while working on my teeth. Yes, that is correct, singing...not just some song playing on the radio but a Christian song that means alot to me and speaks volumes to me. Her voice was comforting and right on key. A Dentist office? Singing? Christian music? God you are AMAZING!

This song is the song I spoke about in my first blog post, (click the blue link to read my first blog post ).

The song, How Great Is Our God by Chris Tomlin, is a song that I get lost in when I worship Him.

If I ever doubted there was a God I was soooo wrong! All this is not a coincidence it was God! He is so GREAT! I so don't deserve the grace and love that God is showing me. I have sinned and fallen way short. I am not perfect and not consistent but one thing I surely know is that I love God with all my heart and He sure loves me.

I wish it hadn't taken me over 25 years to come back to a loving and forgiving God.

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior;
My God is my rock, in whom I find protection.
He is my shield, the power that saves me,
And my place of safety." Psalm 18:2

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Dentist OH MY! - Part 1

How do you trust God when you have never trusted anyone? How do you put your faith in something not seen when things seen have failed you?

Let me tell you how I did it! AND it WORKED!!

This week started out good and has since turned crazy and without God I would have been heavily medicated at this point. Wait, wait, wait...that's not true either. Me? Heavily medicated? I don't do medications so I would not have been medicated I just would have been a complete nervous wreck.

It started Tuesday with the word DENTIST. To some that word means nothing BUT to me it is one of the scarriest words in the English language.

I made this appointment a month ago and knew it was coming up but tried not to think about it. I couldn't sleep Monday night and prayed for God to take away my anxious feelings. When I finally fell asleep I slept good... until I woke up by the grumbling of my stomach. Maybe it was a case of nerves or the fruit smoothies I am drinking but oh my goodness how could I face the day when I couldn't leave the bathroom. You would have thought I had been given a prep for surgery or something. (Sorry, I know T.M.I.)

I wanted to reach out and ask for prayer but fear over came me and the thoughts of what people would think of me stomped on that thought. I could not think of a verse or a song to sing. My mind was consumed with this appointment. This was a new Dentist and... ugh... I just can't put into words what I was feeling. I realized when I asked God to help that the reason I was afraid of asking for prayer is because old smut face doesn't want us to reach out. He wants us to stay in bondage to our fears.

So I put my fingers to work and started texting that I needed prayer. I only reached out to one person because I still felt a little vulnerable and silly for asking for prayer to go to the Dentist.

My daughter drove me to the Dentist office and on the way all I could say to myself was something along the lines of God please help me, please give me peace. I don't know how to trust you and I don't trust you please help me trust you.

As soon as I walked in my Dentist office it was so quiet peaceful and an overall relaxing. Relaxing? A Dentist office? You got to be kidding me! Where is the sound of drilling and the buuuuzzzzzzing of dental instruments and saliva suctioning machines.

When I sat down I looked for the magazines, something to keep me busy, and there sat the Holy Bible. Ahhhh, God you are here with me. Thank you for guiding me to this Dentist. Thank you for the peace I am feeling. I still don't trust you completely but I am trying.

As I looked around the office not one tabloid magazine was found. Only history, golf and childrens magazines and the Holy Bible.

Once I was called back and talked to my new Dentist I realized the reason for my calmness. My Dentist was a Christian and relied on God. YAY!!!!

Before my appointment was over I was told of work that needed to be done but in order to do that I would need to talk to my Cardiologist first. ......S C R E E C H...... everything came to a STOP.

Wait, what? Another car ride, vibrations, busy visual environment, Doctors....I know I am asking God for trust and to learn how to trust but OH MY!

You see I have a leaky valve in my heart...nothing major but something that is supposed to be monitored and welllllll....I haven't had it monitored for two years.

When I contacted my cardiologist Wednesday morning he wanted to see me then. Ugh! TODAY?  Here we go again, I put my fingers to work again and asked for prayer. My appointment was scheduled and I had a little over an hour to get ready and his office was 30 miles away. Riding in a car with dizziness and a stomach that has been upset for three days, a headache and being physically and mentally exhausted....not in my strength was I going to be able to do this. My prayer warrior, my brother Trey, wrote me this when I said that I was emotionally and physically tired today..."Perfect - that way you know it's God. It will not have been done in your own strength."

I got down on my knees and prayed and talked to God, just as if I was talking to someone in the same room with me. I really didn't know what to say and according to my husband I am always politically correct in things I say. So I let down my guard, after all God knows the true me, and said something like this:

God , help me please. I am tired, I don't feel good.
I am trying. I need you 
I know I need to get this done. Please help me.
 Give me peace and YOUR strength.

My husband drove me to the Cardiologist office. Since I had last visited him he had moved his office to a new location and of course we took the interstate because it would be faster but ... the ride was different. I was calm, real calm, no PTSD kicking in, no anxiety, hardly any dizziness, very light to no ringing in my ears, no stomach ache and all I kept saying was Thank You God, in YOUR strength not mine.

When we arrived I became a little worried. OH MY! For me anything over one story throws my dizziness into a tailspin and also means I might need to ride an elevator. I am claustophobic and seen people get stuck in elevators before and it worries me. Maybe, just maybe his office is on the first floor.

Yeppers, you guessed it his office was not on the first floor or even the second floor so I needed to ride the elevator....My first thought was are you kidding me? My husband pointed to the stairs because he knows I don't do elevators and always take the stairs in any building but this time I said God help me. I looked at my husband and said nope taking the elevator. I wish I could have caught his expression it was priceless. I RODE THE ELEVATOR!

All this time I still continued to thank God. I felt normal like my old self...I so did not want the feeling to end.

My cardiologist came in and lectured me on not being there for two years and ordered an EKG to be done now. OH MY!

Then he ordered a series of tests and blood work for the next three days. OH MY! Are you kidding me? All because I went to the Dentist? Okay, I get it payback for not coming in every six months for my routine tests.

God I don't understand but I am trying to trust you. You know better than me you have already gone before and paved the way. I am trying to trust you.

All this time I hardly had any dizziness, no anxiety, no PTSD flare up, little to no ringing in my ears. There is only one explanation and that is God! I live with PTSD, dizziness, ringing in my ears and today I felt normal, peaceful.

Once we got home I didn't want the feeling to end so I suggested to my daughter that she take me to the produce stand while hubby laid down for a nap. Got in the car and we started down the road and it was making me sick. The visual environment was too stimulating, it was hot, my ears were ringing loud and I couldn't understand. All through the produce stand and the ride home I was sick. The difference? I was trying to do it in my own strength and not asking God for help. All my symptoms were back and I was in tears.

My friends, God is real...soooo real. I have experienced His grace, mercy and strength. He showed up right when I needed Him to show up today and when I truly trusted and relied on Him....HE was there! He doesn't promise that I will be healed but that I will be made new in Him. Thank you God for a wonderful day and I quote my brother again in what he told me at the start of today when I asked for prayer...which turned out to be sooooo true!

..."Perfect - that way you know it's God.
 It will not have been done in your own strength."

How can I pray for you today? Leave me a comment below.